Last night, I couldn’t fall asleep so I was just talking about old memories to my girlfriend, Malou, as she was falling asleep.

I’ve always been gay, there is no doubt about that! I had my first crush when I was 3-4 years old on my kindergarten teacher. I don’t remember what she looked like, I just remember I thought she was amazing. I badly wanted her to give me attention and smile at me. I think I knew back then what it meant, but I was too young to understand it really.

At the age of 10, I had another crush… I had had many in between, but it’s at the age of 10 that I fully understood my sexual orientation. I had a best friend and I would bring her gifts and I would try to seduce her the way a kid can try to seduce another kid. I can remember that I just wanted her closer… One day, I told her how pretty I thought she was. Her reaction scared me, she said something that meant she was uncomfortable with my ways with her, that she didn’t want that from me and thought it was weird. At that point, for the first time I understood I was different, I was gay gay and I felt sooooooo ashamed… so ashamed.